i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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