I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
