My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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