My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize