I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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