Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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