READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
