So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
