i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
