We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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