Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
