Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
