Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
