def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
