True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
