And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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