It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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