remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
