Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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