I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize