I heard we made out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
