Farmville is her only friend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
