but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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