btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
