Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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