He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
