You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
