Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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