I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
