I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
