Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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