My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
