Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
