I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
