I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
