her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
