I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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