i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
