what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
