3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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