we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
