i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
