i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
