The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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