Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
