I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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