Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
