i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
