dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
