Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
