That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
