Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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