I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
