Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
