i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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