I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize