Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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