I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
