I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
