New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
