im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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