So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
