Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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