This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Houston, we have a blender
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
