the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
