woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These tits shall not be calmed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
