yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
