I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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