I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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